Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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