it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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