I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
