I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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