last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize