So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
