I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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