actually, I'm a sock model
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
