rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
