Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
