I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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