he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
