i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
