Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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