South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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