wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
