my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
