One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
