I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
