What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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