i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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