We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize