and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
