im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
