Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
