shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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