pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
