so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize