it was like eating out sand paper
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
