Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
this hospital has no fireball
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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