There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
