Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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