your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
