Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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