why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize