dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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