Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
