the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
