You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
