my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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