My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
