So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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