she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
