Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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