Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
