I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
