that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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