Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
