Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
