Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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