Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
