i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
