i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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