Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
