So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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