I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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