I think im going to throw up on grandma
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
