Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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