Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
