I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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