I CAN MOONWALK!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
