Got a toothbrush?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
