You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
