i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
