The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
