just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize